Five in The Mirror - An Elegy Buried In The Storm

(Current Time: 7:20 PM, Nighttime)
(Current Sounds: None)

Musings

Today, I received some English essays that I had to self-evaluate for myself. I usually have low expectations about my writings. Really, I do.

I can't stand up for whatever I have that's good about myself. I've been brought up (or have grown up on the necessity of) that everyone remembers you by what bad things you've done.

I've been remembered by my teachers about what marks I made and such.

Clearly...today, I got the marks back from the teacher and it said I'm being too hard on myself.

Does that mean...?

I actually have potential?

....oh great, Kiwi. Don't make this an emo post. >_<; Anyways...that just surprised me. I always get surprised whenever a teacher tells me I'm doing better than what I'm marking myself as. I'm...wishing that I'm doing the right thing now. For once.

Five - Eye Beyond The Wheels

(Current Time: 10:17 Am, Second Blk)
(Currrent Sounds: 'the keel' by Akino)

Musings:

Two nights ago, I got an apology.

...

okay, it didn't SOUND like a real apology. But me and him. We started talking again, like friends.

He promised he'd still be there for me.

That's all I need.

~~

On a better note, I'm going to start using this blog as my input on my first English 12 project's notes. Yeah, notes.
(FAIL, KIWI, FAIL!)
To start off, I chose the Count Cain manga, mainly because I own the whole Godchild segment of it. I'm saving up for the prequel's five books (hopes to get enough dollars for her b-day xDDD).
Actually, I didn't introduce myself quickly into this series (maybe because i was still reading another series at the time. DAMN YOU, EVANGELION.). I also strayed away from it, because the first book I got had this chick on it:



She had a freaking SPIDER as her brooch1 FOR JEWELERY?! D:

I hate spiders. Which is why I hated reading Godchild Volume 4, becaaause...it introduced Mikaila and her...love for spiders.

(I DID see the relationship with Cain and Riff right away. Ho man. I LOVE THEM)

So! Hopefully I'll analyze more into this as the months roll by

..

...yes, i'll also try getting my project somehow done during this too ^_^;;

~~
Poetry in 30 Days
Day 4: Poetry Of Place

(Write in a new place. Write about the place you choose to go to. Don't rely on what you see--describe smells, tastes, sounds if you can. FULL PIC OF THE PLACE!!)

One Cubby For Two's Enough
-The School Library

Circular room with vibrant poster phrases
Shapen up my expectations

Pillars that defy the knowledgable
Walls of glass looking towards the cold air fountain

Shelves act like a clokcwork hand
Across the room of oak and polyster furniture

Librarian sings out orders to
Unleash free bound covers to the eager students

The students are sprawled in their herds
Of two or alone making use of lost time

The weapons for these bodies: old fashioned
Pen-sword and paper shield, or keyboard sorcery

The excessive chatter sounds like
Management well spent (or wasted?)

One shiny headed teacher rubs an eye out of habit
"Is it June yet?" it has just yet to come

All is controlled chaos today
In this blue green speckled carpeted savannah

-next assignment:
Persona poem, incorporates one of the past two concepts
-Address a social issue OR
-Provide a strong sense of place
Write this poem in a public place, observe the people around you until you find someone interesting that you can imagine a back story for.

-kiwi

Four - Smiling Rebellious Flower

(Time: 10:19 Am, 2nd Blk)

(Current Sounds: 'Lonely Rolling Star' by Yoshihito Yano, Saki Kabata)

Musings:

Aiyee.

Today, I wrote another impromptu about my views on the environment. I'm a green thumb kind of person (even the color green's my main keepsake), but I'm not...GREEN enough, I realized.

With the recent events of CONSTANT CLIMATE CHANGE, our society is on the rise of trying to stay on the lines of being green, reserving all our toilet paper, and to be careful of throwing their popcans down the road (cuz my dad will collect them and use it for OUR cash, hahaaa! >D)

In my opinion, I really don't think I'm making an effort. Sure, we have the funky and crappy bulbs in our lamps back home, I try to take only 7 minute showers in the evening, and I recycle my drawings... reluctantly. AND I REPOSE IN TRYING TO GET A DRIVER'S LICENSE. YEAH, I KNOW I NEED IT, BUT ITS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO GET ME FAT. I like my walking regime anyways.

Even my diet is down the drain. In all honesty, I know I'll never break my habit of eating too much. I can tone it down, sure, but for only... like, a few days. When a party comes up, then of course that puny cycle breaks into relentless pieces. Aaaah, regret.

I guess my views on looking green may take some time, but really, isn't naturally thinking about the environment's opinion going to spread that idea around even further?

Just talking about it ain't doing much, GOVERNMENT.

'Talk less, Say more.'

Yeah. Maybe I ought to clean out my backpack from stray paper finally...

~

Poetry in 30 Days

Day 3: Writing About Issues

-Find a news/opinion article that was published on the web. Look for a story that has emotional/philosophical impact.

Web Address: http://en.wikinews.org/wiki/Truck_carrying_12_million_bees_overturns_in_New_Brunsiwick

(Tuesday, July 1, 2008, Canada Day)

Black And Yellow Stripes Flying Across The Highway

It sounded a little strange at first,

hearing something about the sky

Covered in black and yellow needles.

Why'd he take so many anyways?

Not everybody likes blueberries in

This small island of a province.

But here we are, telling you curious folks

"Yes, it tipped

And they're loose."

At least Mother Nature was by our sides

(in the morning clouds, at least).

Then Mr. Sun came and I swear

The cloud of needles got even more

Frustrated that they were stuck in

One, foreign place, away from home.

Smoke and water teamed up to calm the

Cloud of agitated stripes and needles.

I just hoped for the

Best for that cloud

... and to bless the unknown deities

for not giving me an allergic reaction that whole time.

~next assignment:

Get out of the house and write in a new place. Write about the place you choose to go to. Don't rely on what you see; Describe smells, tastes, sounds if you can (Give a full picture of the place, for the readers!)

I hope I can have some feedback from these dreary poems ^_^;

~kiwi

Three - Lost Step

Time: 9:05 Am, First Blk

Current Sounds: 'Obsession' by See-Saw

Musings:

This morning went pretty well for me. I'm quite awake (maybe just my eyes--everything else on my fat body feels like an edging truck going up the Rockies.) 

Last night, my parents went to see the outside counsellor I'll be seeing for a little while to sort my inner self out. Though, really, I do think this counsellor might give me the impression that I'm 'normal' unlike her delinquent/pregnant cohorts. In a way, I could say I'm even more normal than most of the people at my school. (I hope the people from said school think this isn't towards them....)

So in an indifference, I'm quite alright with the idea of having to spill my heart to someone who'd be... willing to listen. Hopefully. Compared to a grandma who has had way too much vodka, I might be compared to just that.

Gaah. I think I'll also start writing some Godchild self-character charts here as well. Maaaaaybe because I don't have much to do here in this blog yet. Yup--that'll take more time in this library comp xD

~

Poetry in 30 Days

Day 2: Writing About Yourself

-Write about an event in your life that happened within the past week

Lunch Break

Its like any typical lunch hour

for me, that is.

Minus the fact that

I didn't go home 

To get a decent meal.

It was either go home

or be plugged into

this white framed micro-byte device with

the tastes of 30 or something

voices, blaring on my eardrums.

Its the choice of leaving or hearing.

My stomach thinks otherwise.

Its a quite afternoon, without the

Bustle and rumor covered chatter of fellow

Inmates in this circular, bookcase prison.

Yet as I quickly check my virtual self's life

(Not as up-to-date as my 13 other self's in there),

two friends wake me up from my

musical voyage on headphone sails.

I then realize

I should've went home for that spinach dip

Still waiting for me in the fridge.

-next assignment

-Find a news/opinion article that was published on the web this week. Look for a story that has emotional/philosophical impact.

~kiwi

 

Two - The Start of Things/Poem One: Childhood

Time: 9:47 AM, Second Block

Current Sounds: 'Half-Pain' by Bana

Musings "Self-Doubt":

This morning I got scolded again for 'not making any serious effort on my schoolwork.' The reason why I put that whole phrase in bold was because it's not my first time that I received that same scolding. I honestly don't know when my own kin will realize I've tried whatever I've done to try to redeem myself.

This causes whatever interior doubt I have inside this heaved chest I have.

Maybe its because my parents only see my faults and only note down my accomplishments when they're either content about themselves or being watched by others to determine whatever level I'm at towards society.

Whether that's the case, I still think that I'm only seen as a fault. I can only see myself doing faults over and over again, in a repetitive cycle. I cannot believe that I could break it. I have forgotten how.

My own parents tell me 'Break the habit, you're smart enough,' but then the next day they rant about how change will never be possible for such an individual like myself.

They either label me as a delinquent or a suffering addict to my own depression. Sometimes I ignore these callings.

Sometimes I believe its all true.

The thing about me that people have yet to understand about me, is that I am truly scared to say what I really want to say. I have been brought up to say the 'right things' that are more acceptable to what others want me to say. If I choose what i say, its either deciphered as unacceptable or not understandable.

In other words, I may have a shy nature, but I really want to say what I want to say. But I'm afraid of everyone else's opinion. Sure, I've had the familiar slap of constructive criticism every now and then, but I'm a person who cannot really stand up to any challenge thrown at me.

I want to. 

I really want to. 

I just wish that I could just spread my wings like everyone else, free of all the boundaries and free to have my voice.

In this point of my life, I need to find myself. I just hope I can before life catches up to my stupid plans to stay put and be the same wreck I am.

I just want to change. 

~~

Poetry in 30 Days

Day 1: Childhood

Trip to B.C.

Sunshine mountain, what do you comprehend?

I see above the clouds, some future

Waiting for me.

Buchham, Bouchard, forgot the name;

It's still lingering like a

Leaping daddy long legs.

It's more so to take your pride

And turn it into unreported

Love.

You say so much, but I've

known only these sponged painted

walls now.

Sunshine mountain, what do you comprehend?

I see below the clouds, the earth.

Its still hard cold.

-next assignment: an event in your life that happened within the past week.

~kiwi

One - Kiwified

Yaaaaaaaay!

I have a blog now!

(thinks this might be just a test post)

So yeah! For those that are interested, I'm Madame Kiwi (not yet married yet though--and ain't planning to, kthx) and I have yet to know how to use this baby of a blog. I'll eventually know sooner or later how to use this for more intentional purposes later, so for now, I'll just use this as a personal journal.

And NO, I'm not some 15 year old who hates my life and nobody likes me--in reality, I'm actually 17 years old, almost ripe to become something CLOSE to being an adult (in...two months, hopefully). I'm starting to like my life now because of all the wonderful people who bless me with their words and kindness.... but I'm not so sure about the people liking me yet.

I'LL GET TO THEM, I SWEAR!

So, yeah~!  I'm also thinking of putting up my small mini project, "Poetry in 30 Days" up here. I'm not even writing these poems 'in 30 days'. But whatever. I'm still practicing my poems and I'd like some helpful hints and maaaybe some praise for them ^_^

Oh yes! Its also my little sister's birthday today. She's effin 15 today! (despite the fact that she ACTUALLY turns 15 at 5 PM tonight) 

I'M GONNA GIVE HER MORE HUGS TODAY XD

YAAAAY. I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT THROUGH THE FIRST PAGE OF SIGNING UP FOR THIS.

~kiwi